Welcome back to Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown! Today we recap Breaker High, episode 7: “Radio Daze.” It’s the first episode in a little while where the episode title doesn’t give away the next port, so anything could happen; let’s get going.
To start the show, Sean is DJing on the ship’s radio station (okay, I guess we could have guessed that from the title) and very much enjoying hearing the sound of his own voice. Seems like he’s overstaying his welcome talking about that Friday’s upcoming Brady Bunch Night in the cafeteria; Alex and Denise have to literally pull him out of the studio so they can start their show (unfortunately we fade away into the theme song before we find out how they run their hour).
When we come back, it’s to another Sean and Tamira heart-to-heart (I am still a little confused by their closeness but not mad at it). Tamira says she has to leave Breaker High?! Her scholarship and job don’t cover all of tuition, and while her mom has been making payments, she just got laid off, so as soon as they hit port Tamira’s off the ship (they are currently sailing through the Mediterranean). Sean suggests that maybe there’s a way to fundraise and come up with the $1,500 Tamira says she needs, but Tamira makes him swear not to tell anyone; she doesn’t want be anyone’s charity case. Captain Ballard (so that’s Max’s dad’s name) and Ms. Mitchell (the teacher) already know, and the students will find out soon enough, so she just wants to enjoy her last week on-ship.
Cassidy walks past Max’s room (in a matching workout set I could see a lot of girls and women wearing today) and hears him playing guitar, but as soon as she starts complimenting him on it he puts it down and slams the door in her face. She goes up on deck, finds Alex and asks him what the 411 is on Max. Alex acknowledges that Max doesn’t love his hidden talent being widely shared; apparently it’s because he used to write songs back in Portland, but when he sent a demo to a radio station they dissed it, so his confidence is shot and he won’t play in front of anyone. Cassidy looks way too thrilled to find out Max has a weakness, so Alex is quick to ask her not to say he’s the one who told her everything; we’ll see how long that lasts.
In fact, the next time we see Cassidy, she’s dressed all in black (with spy music in the background) when Denise “catches her in the act” and asks what she was doing in Max and Alex’s cabin. Cassidy claims she was “borrowing” the cassette tape she’s holding, but even Denise who doesn’t have the backstory we do can suss out that that’s a lie.
(Sidebar: I thought there were enough cabins on ship for everyone to have their own, but it seems that’s untrue. We know from Denise’s words that Max and Alex are roommates; based on cabin scenes in prior episodes, we can assume retroactively that Ashley and Tamira are, as are Sean and Jimmy.)
Ashley has a radio show, too - an advice hour called “Ask Miss Southern Teen.” As we might expect, the questions and subsequent responses are about frizzy hair thanks to the salty air, lopsided eyebrow waxes the night before a talent competition, and other beauty-related concerns. She’s wearing a tiara even though no one can see her, and keeps it on to visit the coffee lounge a few scenes later.
Tamira acts very blasé when serving Ashley and Alex their drinks - Alex notices something is off, but when he asks Ashley if something’s wrong with Tamira, Ashley just responds with, “Her hair, her clothes, her personality - where do we start?” Behind them, Sean adds a “$10” sticker to a Brady Bunch Night poster, and Alex is confused as to why the price has gone up from $5. Because he can’t say the actual reason why, Sean’s excuse is “Inflation, baby, everything’s going up. Do you know how much it costs to go to a movie these days?” (ugh, even 30 years later this is too real).
In the empty cafeteria, Cassidy and Denise are listening to Max’s cassette through a boombox and are impressed with what they hear. Cassidy wants Denise to play it on her radio show, and though Denise says no at first, knowing Max would blow a gasket, she starts getting more intrigued once Cassidy says she’ll do something for her in return (at the very least will borrow her clothes without asking less).
And of course, we cut to Denise and Alex hosting their show while Max happens to be shooting hoops on deck right outside, and Denise announces they’ll be playing a track by a surprise mystery artist. Max’s groan of “Oh man, I don’t believe this,” is perhaps not the response that Cassidy, who is next to him, was expecting when she shouts “Surprise, I got your song on the radio!” Max barges into the radio booth and abruptly takes the cassette out mid-song. Alex, who had not been part of Denise and Cassidy’s scheme, is confused, asking “What’s your problem, man?” Max, not knowing that Alex is innocent, says “You knew how I felt about this tape!” Alex tries to explain that he didn’t know it was Max’s tape when Denise brought it in, but Max retorts that Alex is the only person who knew it existed. At this point, Alex has to share that Cassidy asked him why Max never plays guitar and he might have mentioned the tape to her. Max turns to Denise to ask how she got the tape, and when Cassidy’s name comes up again says, “Looks like the only person on this boat Cassidy didn’t bother to ask about this tape was me.” He’s got a point.
We cut to right before the Brady Bunch party, where Sean hands Tamira an envelope. She reads aloud, “Paid to the order of Tamira Goldstein: All the profits of Brady Bunch night so she can stay on Breaker High where she fits in much better than she realizes.” She’s naturally thrilled, but of course it’s only after she walks away that he says, “All we have to do now is wait for the money to roll in.” Oh, no, this sounds like potential heartbreak waiting to happen; maybe he should have waited to say something until after the money came in or not, especially considering the following scene shows students shocked at the $10 cover charge for what they think is another of Sean’s scams, so they decide not to go. And sure enough, the clock hits 10 pm, no one is there, and Tamira is sobbing.
The next day in the lounge, Tamira is practing a speech again: “You guys have made this trip really special. I’m not going to forget any of you, but I think I’ll miss you most of all.” Sean appears and notices, saying, “Tamira, I thought we weren’t going to be talking to kitchen supplies anymore.” He swears he’s going to figure something out to help keep her on the ship; she appreciates his attempts to help but says, “Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes you have to go back to Ohio.” Ashley comes in complaining about the heat, and somehow her wanting to turn up the air conditiong gives Sean an idea related to Gilligan’s Island? And off he goes.
Cassidy comes up to Max at the basketball hoop, and in response to her asking if she can take a shot, he quips, “Why ask, don’t you usually just walk in and take whatever you want?” Ouch, but he’s not wrong. This may be Cassidy’s attempt to apologize to Max, but it turns into her saying she did everything in his best interests, which Max does not respond to very well (to be fair, I probably wouldn’t either if somebody said I needed an attitude adjustment after they literally broke into my cabin). Saying “I was only trying to help; see if I ever do anything for you again,” is a bit of a victim-blame, Cassidy.
We cut to Jimmy finding Sean hiding in an AC vent. Turns out Sean’s grand plan is to shut off all the air conditioning vents except for the ones in the cafeteria, which would then funnel everyone to Sean’s Gilligan’s Island night where they’ll have to pay to get in. He is trying to do something noble here, but ooh is he going to be facing an angry crowd of students (and adults too probably). And they are annoyed, but not as much as I was expecting, and it goes off without a hitch.
Cassidy finds Max on deck, and urges him to come into the cafeteria, saying, “Just because you hate me is no reason to suffer out here in the heat,” to which he responds, “I don’t consult your itinerary before I decide where I go.” Again, blunt, but maybe that’s what Cassidy needs to hear to become a little less self-absorbed. Especially since the next sound is Max’s song coming from the cafeteria speakers, and all Cassidy can say is “Okay, before you freak…” before Max growls, “How did you get ahold of this tape? I threw it overboard.” Cassidy confesses that she MADE A COPY of it before giving one to Denise - even if it’s because she liked it, there is so much violation of trust here. She tries to convince Max to come watch everyone enjoying it, and while he doesn’t go into the cafeteria with her, he does sneak a peek through the window on his own, and is maybe starting to crack a little bit.
Sean does the math after everyone leaves Gilligan’s Island night saying, “Great party! Totally worth $10,” and they’ve raised just under $1,600! When Jimmy asks Sean what he’s going to do with all the money, Sean replies, “You know me, I’m probably going to waste it on some babe.” Given that Tamira just hugged him and headed off, this is sweeter than it sounds.
Max begs off shooting hoops with Alex and Cassidy, and while at first Alex thinks it’s because Max hasn’t forgiven her yet, it turns out Max just wanted some alone time to pick up his guitar again to write a new song. It’s nice to see a smile that big on his face, as well as the smirk on Cassidy’s when Alex tells her whatever she said must have gotten to him.
Don’t change that channel! We’ll be right back on Teeny Bopper TV Breakdown.
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